I LOVE this list from Buzzfeed. It is 27 signs you were raised in an Asian immigrant home. When somebody emailed me this list, I almost rolled on the floor laughing. It is hilarious because it is so true. I could compare myself to nearly all of them. It's funny that growing up, I never noticed the quirks of being an Asian American. Now this list shows me that I am not the only one who does things differently from other Americans.
Right away, at #3, is something my wife does religiously. You can see at the 99 Ranch Market all the lao tai tai's pounding away at the melons. Whether they be watermelons, cantaloupes, or honeydews, everybody thinks they know the perfect sound to hear when the fruit is perfectly ripe. My wife has tried to teach me the proper technique but I have never got the hang of differeniating between a dull thud vs. a slightly hollow thump. Thus I never buy melons at the market by myself. I hate being chastised for not picking the perfect fruit.
At #4 is a tradition that I found strange when I first met my wife. Since I am a 1 1/2 generation Asian American, I grew up drinking cold sodas and water with my meals. My wife, who moved here when she was already an adult, swore she gets severe stomach cramps if she doesn't drink warm water. Now that she's lived here for nearly two decades she's not as fervent about hot water as before. But if she gets even a little crampy after a meal, she'll blame first any cold food or drinks she's consumed.
Number 9 is so funny and true. Asians always think it's cold outside. My dad used to wear long sleeve shirts outside even though it may be in the 90's and 90% humidity in the Midwest where I grew up. He didn't mind buying cars with no air conditioning since he hates being cold even though the rest of us in the car were dying of heat exhaustion. My wife always have our kids wear jackets outside even though all the other children have on t-shirts and shorts. Because you know it is an Asian fact that you will catch a cold if your arms and legs are not covered up.
If you want to know what it is like to live in an Asian home, please read this list. I can confirm that we hardly have any plates in the house, our TV remote control is wrapped in cellophane, and our dishwasher is always full but is never turned on. I guess the Asian culture runs pretty strong in all of us.
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Running While Arab
The Boston Marathon bombings are horrendous reminders of the vulnerabilities our country still faces. It is all too easy for people with nefarious motives to cause tragedies both big and small. When the two bombs went off, people immediately flashed back to the 9/11 terrorist attacks. So naturally, who was the first suspect to be questioned by the FBI? A Saudi citizen, of course.
When the bombs went off, thousands of people began running away. One of them was a Saudi Arabian student here in Boston to study. Even though this would be considered a normal reaction by anybody, some witness thought his running seemed suspicious. He tackled the student and held him until law enforcement could collect him. The student himself was injured by the bombs and was taken to a hospital for treatment. The FBI continued questioning him in his hospital bed and even searched his apartment. They finally concluded that he is not a terrorist suspect.
It's sad that Americans are still so xenophobic that we suspect anybody who is not white as a criminal. After the Oklahoma City bombing, people immediately thought it too was caused by Middle East terrorists. I thought at the time that it would be extremely strange for international terrorists to travel all the way to Oklahoma City to cause mayhem. Surely there are better targets in more cosmopolitan cities. And of course the culprits turned out to be a couple of white dudes who decided they didn't like their government and bought a few hundred pounds of fertilizer to make a bomb.
So before we start hating on people of Middle Eastern descent, let's take a deep breath and just wait for further findings from the FBI. We don't need any more racist vigilantes blaming innocent Arab students and causing a black eye in our fraught relationship with the Mideast countries.
When the bombs went off, thousands of people began running away. One of them was a Saudi Arabian student here in Boston to study. Even though this would be considered a normal reaction by anybody, some witness thought his running seemed suspicious. He tackled the student and held him until law enforcement could collect him. The student himself was injured by the bombs and was taken to a hospital for treatment. The FBI continued questioning him in his hospital bed and even searched his apartment. They finally concluded that he is not a terrorist suspect.
It's sad that Americans are still so xenophobic that we suspect anybody who is not white as a criminal. After the Oklahoma City bombing, people immediately thought it too was caused by Middle East terrorists. I thought at the time that it would be extremely strange for international terrorists to travel all the way to Oklahoma City to cause mayhem. Surely there are better targets in more cosmopolitan cities. And of course the culprits turned out to be a couple of white dudes who decided they didn't like their government and bought a few hundred pounds of fertilizer to make a bomb.
So before we start hating on people of Middle Eastern descent, let's take a deep breath and just wait for further findings from the FBI. We don't need any more racist vigilantes blaming innocent Arab students and causing a black eye in our fraught relationship with the Mideast countries.
Thursday, March 28, 2013
The Asian Gene
Researchers at the Broad Institute in Cambridge, MA have identified a gene that appears to cause the formation of physical traits common with East Asian people. The gene, called EDAR, seems to lead to the production of thicker hair, increased sweat glands, distinctive teeth, and smaller breast tissue that are more common with East Asians. It is the mutation of this gene, which is in a different form in Caucasians and Blacks, that leads to these changes.
To determine if this mutated EDAR really causes all these changes, the researchers, Yana Kamberov and Pardis Sabeti, spliced the gene into the DNA of lab mice. When the mice reproduced with the new gene, they did indeed have thicker hair, more sweat glands, and smaller amount of breast tissue. Mice teeth are too different from humans for the researchers to make a distinction.
So now I'm wondering when we are going to have our first genetically modified Asian test tube baby. Asians already are world leaders in the use of cosmetic surgery in trying to change their looks to be more Caucasian. They want pointy noses, double layered eyelids, whiter skin. Now that we know some of the genes that can make somebody have more Caucasian physical characteristics, how soon before some rogue laboratory in Asia inserts this gene into a human embryo to create a mixed race child without actually having to have a mixed parentage? Even better for the parents, this restored EDAR gene could theoretically propogate down the family tree so that all their progeny would eventually contain the Caucasian gene that they so desire. This could put all those plastic surgeons in Asia out of business.
To determine if this mutated EDAR really causes all these changes, the researchers, Yana Kamberov and Pardis Sabeti, spliced the gene into the DNA of lab mice. When the mice reproduced with the new gene, they did indeed have thicker hair, more sweat glands, and smaller amount of breast tissue. Mice teeth are too different from humans for the researchers to make a distinction.
So now I'm wondering when we are going to have our first genetically modified Asian test tube baby. Asians already are world leaders in the use of cosmetic surgery in trying to change their looks to be more Caucasian. They want pointy noses, double layered eyelids, whiter skin. Now that we know some of the genes that can make somebody have more Caucasian physical characteristics, how soon before some rogue laboratory in Asia inserts this gene into a human embryo to create a mixed race child without actually having to have a mixed parentage? Even better for the parents, this restored EDAR gene could theoretically propogate down the family tree so that all their progeny would eventually contain the Caucasian gene that they so desire. This could put all those plastic surgeons in Asia out of business.
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
The Slippery Slope of Gay Marriage
I'm going to play armchair attorney here. I think the lawyer who was attempting to defend California's Proposition 8, the one that voters passed that defined a marriage in the state as between one man and one woman, was quite feeble. Charles Cooper, the attorney who was arguing the case in the U.S. Supreme Court, tried to justify denying marriage to gay couples by stating that the creation of marriage is supposed to encourage procreation, which gay people obviously can't achieve. He was rightly laughed off by the justices. They easily swatted away that argument by noting multple examples of infertile couples and elderly couples who obviously can't have children. Another way of looking at it is that one doesn't need a marriage for procreation anyway.
The defense also argued that raising children with one male and one female parent is best for their well being. Again that is a very weak statement to bring in front of such a consequential case. No less than the American Academy of Pediatrics has stated that children brought up by gay couples is no worse off than ones raised by heterosexual couples. So there goes that line of reasoning.
What I haven't heard anybody say is what will happen to other forms of marriages when gay marriage is eventually legalized in this country, as I think it inevitably will. Right now, homosexuals say they deserve to marry each other because they love each other, just like their heterosexuals counterparts. Okay I'm fine with two people who are in love wanting to get married. But what happens when three or more people say they love each other. When you can no longer define marriage as between one man and one woman, has the institution of marriage been destroyed?
Throughout human history there have always been cultures where, usually, one man has had more than one wife. In fact it has only been in recent times that monogamy has become idealized in marriage. Think of the old Chinese or Middle Eastern rulers with their mulititude of wives, or harems, or concubines. Here in the U.S., the Mormon Church is well known for having a history of allowing polygamy, with its founder Joseph Smith said to have more than fifty wives.
If we can no longer define marriage as between one man and one woman, then where does this end? If you pass laws stating that marriage can only between two non related people, regardless of gender, won't polygamists feel they are being discriminated against? Won't they want the same federal rights and benefits as couple marriages? Aren't their civil rights being trampled on too? I just wish somebody can address this issue. I don't mind if gay couples have all the same rights as heterosexual couples. They can be considered to be in a civil union, as many states have already done. Just don't redefine marriage to accommodate this new family unit. If we do, then there is no end to how many different ways people will want to push the limits of families all in the name of civil rights.
The defense also argued that raising children with one male and one female parent is best for their well being. Again that is a very weak statement to bring in front of such a consequential case. No less than the American Academy of Pediatrics has stated that children brought up by gay couples is no worse off than ones raised by heterosexual couples. So there goes that line of reasoning.
What I haven't heard anybody say is what will happen to other forms of marriages when gay marriage is eventually legalized in this country, as I think it inevitably will. Right now, homosexuals say they deserve to marry each other because they love each other, just like their heterosexuals counterparts. Okay I'm fine with two people who are in love wanting to get married. But what happens when three or more people say they love each other. When you can no longer define marriage as between one man and one woman, has the institution of marriage been destroyed?
Throughout human history there have always been cultures where, usually, one man has had more than one wife. In fact it has only been in recent times that monogamy has become idealized in marriage. Think of the old Chinese or Middle Eastern rulers with their mulititude of wives, or harems, or concubines. Here in the U.S., the Mormon Church is well known for having a history of allowing polygamy, with its founder Joseph Smith said to have more than fifty wives.
If we can no longer define marriage as between one man and one woman, then where does this end? If you pass laws stating that marriage can only between two non related people, regardless of gender, won't polygamists feel they are being discriminated against? Won't they want the same federal rights and benefits as couple marriages? Aren't their civil rights being trampled on too? I just wish somebody can address this issue. I don't mind if gay couples have all the same rights as heterosexual couples. They can be considered to be in a civil union, as many states have already done. Just don't redefine marriage to accommodate this new family unit. If we do, then there is no end to how many different ways people will want to push the limits of families all in the name of civil rights.
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Justin Bieber's Dirty Song
My eight year old daughter and I were recently in the car listening to a Top 40 radio station. I asked her who she and her friends thought were cool singers currently. Naturally Taylor Swift was at the top of the list. Then of course there is Katy Perry. They even think Adele is pretty cool. I asked her about Justin Bieber. Does she think he's cool?
She said no, he is definitely not cool. I was suprised. I thought all girls in her age group were madly in love with the Biebs. She replied that she thinks Bieber's music is dirty. Really? What little of Bieber's music I know all sound pretty innocent and teeny bopper to me.
Which of his songs is dirty? She said "Baby." "Baby?" Trying my hardest to recall the words to that song, I don't remember any particularly inflammatory language in there. So I asked her why "Baby" is a dirty song. She replied that "Baby" is dirty because babies make all sorts of stinky poop. That's why it's dirty.
I had to suppress my laughter. Her definition of dirty is literally dirty, not the cynical sexual innuendo we adults have come to associate the word dirty with most music. Children, they are so innocent and literal. I hope she never grows up.
She said no, he is definitely not cool. I was suprised. I thought all girls in her age group were madly in love with the Biebs. She replied that she thinks Bieber's music is dirty. Really? What little of Bieber's music I know all sound pretty innocent and teeny bopper to me.
Which of his songs is dirty? She said "Baby." "Baby?" Trying my hardest to recall the words to that song, I don't remember any particularly inflammatory language in there. So I asked her why "Baby" is a dirty song. She replied that "Baby" is dirty because babies make all sorts of stinky poop. That's why it's dirty.
I had to suppress my laughter. Her definition of dirty is literally dirty, not the cynical sexual innuendo we adults have come to associate the word dirty with most music. Children, they are so innocent and literal. I hope she never grows up.
Saturday, December 29, 2012
The Loneliest iPad In The World
Let me tell you the tale of the loneliest iPad in the world. As most things do in our household it starts with my wife, the uber tiger mom. She has been adamant that our children not be corrupted by the evil influences of electronic gaming devices. She still curses the day Steve Jobs invented these blasted things.
However it is impossible to hold back a tidal wave on your own. All our children's friends own iPads. All her friends own iPads. Our elementary school is going to start integrating iPads into the curriculum. She could see that she was fighting a losing battle. The final straw was when I upgraded to an iPhone 5 and AT&T offered $100 off any iPad as part of a Black Friday sale. That discount finally got her to consent to getting one. But she did make one cardinal rule that I had to abide by before we could buy it: NO GAMES. No exceptions. Also the iPad will technically be her Christmas present, not the children's. This way she had final say over who used it and what apps can be downloaded. I said sure. Whatever. I was finally getting an iPad!
Fast forward to Christmas morning. The children had already ripped through all the presents until there was only one unopened box left, my wife's. When she finally pulled the wraps off the iPad the kids went wild. They quickly forgot their other presents and wanted to play with the forbidden fruit. As they dived eagerly into the iPad, they were soon met with disappointment. No games. No Angry Bird. No Temple Run. Nothing. Nada. My wife directed them to some Internet based educational programs that they had already been using on the home computer. They quickly lost interest and went back to their new Legos.
My wife also had an ulterior motive to buy an iPad besides making our children learn Internet multiplication tables on the go. She was hoping to use it to watch her Chinese and Korean soap operas without beging stuck in front of the computer. However she discovered that most of these Asian websites use Flash to stream videos. She found out that iPads don't run Flash. Now her only reason for using an iPad no longer exists.
So here we are, a week after Christmas. While iPads are being adored and loved by millions around the globe, ours sits forlornly in the closet. The children have not asked for it despite tiger mom's best efforts to use it as an incentive for behaving properly. She doesn't want it because she can't watch her soaps with it. I have no need for it because I'm not supposed to download the really interesting apps that I want. I already have an Android tablet for my tablet needs. That is how our iPad became the loneliest one in the whole world.
However it is impossible to hold back a tidal wave on your own. All our children's friends own iPads. All her friends own iPads. Our elementary school is going to start integrating iPads into the curriculum. She could see that she was fighting a losing battle. The final straw was when I upgraded to an iPhone 5 and AT&T offered $100 off any iPad as part of a Black Friday sale. That discount finally got her to consent to getting one. But she did make one cardinal rule that I had to abide by before we could buy it: NO GAMES. No exceptions. Also the iPad will technically be her Christmas present, not the children's. This way she had final say over who used it and what apps can be downloaded. I said sure. Whatever. I was finally getting an iPad!
Fast forward to Christmas morning. The children had already ripped through all the presents until there was only one unopened box left, my wife's. When she finally pulled the wraps off the iPad the kids went wild. They quickly forgot their other presents and wanted to play with the forbidden fruit. As they dived eagerly into the iPad, they were soon met with disappointment. No games. No Angry Bird. No Temple Run. Nothing. Nada. My wife directed them to some Internet based educational programs that they had already been using on the home computer. They quickly lost interest and went back to their new Legos.
My wife also had an ulterior motive to buy an iPad besides making our children learn Internet multiplication tables on the go. She was hoping to use it to watch her Chinese and Korean soap operas without beging stuck in front of the computer. However she discovered that most of these Asian websites use Flash to stream videos. She found out that iPads don't run Flash. Now her only reason for using an iPad no longer exists.
So here we are, a week after Christmas. While iPads are being adored and loved by millions around the globe, ours sits forlornly in the closet. The children have not asked for it despite tiger mom's best efforts to use it as an incentive for behaving properly. She doesn't want it because she can't watch her soaps with it. I have no need for it because I'm not supposed to download the really interesting apps that I want. I already have an Android tablet for my tablet needs. That is how our iPad became the loneliest one in the whole world.
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Empathy As A Parent After Sandy Hook
It's been over 24 hours since the horrible, unspeakable murders of 26 people at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, CT. The fact that 20 of the victims were innocent first graders has left me and the entire nation in mourning and at a loss. Even now I can't help but well up with emotion with every newspaper article I read and every picture of the children that is presented.
It wasn't always this way. When the Columbine High School rampage happened in 1999, I was still single. I had no children. I felt no connection to the murder victims. Yes it was tragic but I did not feel any empathy or emotions about the incident. It was as if the news was talking about the latest bombings in the Middle East. Sorry it happened but life goes on.
The Aurora, CO movie theater shootings this past summer I wrote off as another one of America's all too frequent mass shootings. (It's terrible to write something like "all too frequent mass shootings".) I didn't get too emotional with that one either. What were all those people doing out at midnight watching a movie? Decent hard working folks don't go out at midnight to watch movies. They especially shouldn't have taken small children to the theater for a movie with multiple scenes of gory killings because they can't find a babysitter at that hour of night. Just a bunch of movie fanatics with poor judgement.
But the Sandy Hook massacre is something else altogether. I feel like I can put myself in those poor parents' shoes. Though I can't fully comprehend the trauma they are going through, and hopefully never will, I still weep with them. Perhaps it's because I have two children in the same age category as the victims, elementary school children who still believe in Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy.
Ironically one of our kindergarten teachers earlier this year got into trouble for trying to explain to the children this exact scenerio in class. The kids were having a combined earthquake and disaster drill one morning. When one of the kids in my son's class asked the teacher what kind of disaster they are preparing for, the teacher told him they practice the drill in case some gunman walks into the school and starts shooting people.
Some of the students started crying. They told their parents what happened in class. Several of them had nightmares that night. The parents were in an uproar the next day. They cornered the principal and demanded an apology. The principal had to discipline the teacher and write a letter to all the parents to explain why the teacher had gone overboard with the drills.
Now it all seems so sadly prophetic.
It wasn't always this way. When the Columbine High School rampage happened in 1999, I was still single. I had no children. I felt no connection to the murder victims. Yes it was tragic but I did not feel any empathy or emotions about the incident. It was as if the news was talking about the latest bombings in the Middle East. Sorry it happened but life goes on.
The Aurora, CO movie theater shootings this past summer I wrote off as another one of America's all too frequent mass shootings. (It's terrible to write something like "all too frequent mass shootings".) I didn't get too emotional with that one either. What were all those people doing out at midnight watching a movie? Decent hard working folks don't go out at midnight to watch movies. They especially shouldn't have taken small children to the theater for a movie with multiple scenes of gory killings because they can't find a babysitter at that hour of night. Just a bunch of movie fanatics with poor judgement.
But the Sandy Hook massacre is something else altogether. I feel like I can put myself in those poor parents' shoes. Though I can't fully comprehend the trauma they are going through, and hopefully never will, I still weep with them. Perhaps it's because I have two children in the same age category as the victims, elementary school children who still believe in Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy.
Ironically one of our kindergarten teachers earlier this year got into trouble for trying to explain to the children this exact scenerio in class. The kids were having a combined earthquake and disaster drill one morning. When one of the kids in my son's class asked the teacher what kind of disaster they are preparing for, the teacher told him they practice the drill in case some gunman walks into the school and starts shooting people.
Some of the students started crying. They told their parents what happened in class. Several of them had nightmares that night. The parents were in an uproar the next day. They cornered the principal and demanded an apology. The principal had to discipline the teacher and write a letter to all the parents to explain why the teacher had gone overboard with the drills.
Now it all seems so sadly prophetic.
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