Best Places To Live (For White People)

You know those rankings that magazines put out periodically about the best places to live? Have you ever noticed that most of the time, they only apply to white people? For instance, Money Magazine puts out an annual list of best cities to live in the U.S. Invariably they are located in a small to medium sized town where the vast majority of the people are white. Sure they can boast of great outdoor recreational activities and low crime rates, but where are you going to go when you're hankering for some great soup dumplings or even trying to find some cuts of five layer pork meat in the supermarket? Will any Asian who moves there be just another token, appreciated at the job but never get any invites to after work barbecues or Superbowl parties?

Now Mercer, a human resources consulting company, has devised a list of the cities in the world with the best quality of life. Not surprisingly, virtually every single city in the top 25 are dominated by white Western culture. The top ten cities on the list are: Vienna, Zurich, Auckland, Munich, Vancouver, Dusseldorf, Frankfort, Geneva, Copenhagen, and Sydney. Vancouver is probably the most international of the cities in the top ten. All the others are dominated by a white, sometimes xenophobic culture with little tolerance for minorities.

This European-centric list of the world's best cities would probably be contradicted by citizens of some of the most modern metropolises in Asia. How could Singapore not be in the top 25 list of best places to live? Or Hong Kong? Tokyo? Sure some of the biggest cities in Asia are under totalitarian rule, but if you keep your nose clean and not stray from the law, as the vast majority of people do, they are wonderful places to reside, with low crime and cosmopolitan culture.

It's obvious that the audience for these types of lists are the white, middle to upper class society that reads these magazines and newspapers. They bear little resemblance to the actual quality of cities that can be found outside of Northern Europe and their former colonies.

Asian American Kids And The Piano Recital

It's a rite of passage that virtually every self respecting Asian American kid has to undergo, the musical recital. Whether it be the piano, violin, cello, or some other musical instrument, most AA children take up some sort of musical education as part of the normal childhood process. There is an innate feeling among AA parents that mastering music will make their children smarter and better disciplined. In fact, studies have shown that kids who study music do indeed test better.

But as I sat through another one of my children's piano recitals recently, I can't help but wonder if the education they receive from hours of practicing at the keyboard is the right type that will allow them to succeed in America. As all the parents listen attentively to the children playing studiously on stage, I began to ponder who is the real genius on stage, the seven year old who can master that Mozart sonata or the composer himself?

The fact is, musicians are a dime a dozen. Millions of people know how to play a Mozart sonata. But there is only one Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. These Asian kids were performing the equivalent of an American Idol contestant. They were essentially doing a karaoke the way Idol singers belt out their rendition of a Beatles tune while trying to make it their own. But no matter how good the musician, it's pretty clear the real prodigy is the composer, not the player.

As multitudes of AA parents shepherd their prodigies through piano and violin classes, are we then commoditizing musical proficiency? In the meantime, white American children are encouraged to take the less obvious path, forming their own bands and writing their own music. This is where the real riches lie, not a ten year grind of musical lessons just so they can get into an Ivy League school. By the way, an Ivy League admissions officer would take more notice of an AA applicant if the kid actually formed his own rock band than if he can claim to have played violin all throughout high school.

Is it any wonder that white people don't think Asian Americans have any originality or creativity? We assiduously force our children to play music created by other people while discouraging them from pursuing truly artistic outlets for their developing minds. It is this line of reasoning that leads to recent studies showing AA's are a large portion of the work force in Silicon Valley but dwindle dramatically in the management positions.

To all the AA parents out there. It's okay if your children don't want to take any musical lessons. The path to genius doesn't exclusively involve rote memorization of centuries old dead white Europeans' music.

Learning To Become An American Rebel

The United States was founded by rebels. From the very beginning of its existence, American colonists defied their British rulers and fought victoriously in the American Revolutionary War. Every single one of our country's forefathers who signed the Declaration of Independence could be considered an insurgent. To this day American media celebrate the dissident. From Clark Gable to James Dean to Harrison Ford we Americans love to see lone wolves take on "The Man" and win. We deify Americans who break the mold and step on other people to get to the top, people like Microsoft's Bill Gates and Facebook's Mark Zuckerberg. That's the kind of heroes American love to worship--rule breakers and insubordinates.

However it can be difficult at times for an Asian American to adjust to this highly celebrated American culture of rebelliousness. Like any good kid growing up, but particularly in an Asian American household, I was always taught to obey the rules. I had to listen and follow my parents' instructions without question. Any deviation from the strict laws set by my parents, grandparents, or teachers would be seen as an embarrassment and bring shame to the family. To this day I am still trying to come to terms with my innate need to follow orders against the Western culture's expectations that to succeed one must make his own rules.

For instance, my elementary school daughter recently participated in her school's science fair. We had thought up multiple excellent projects she could conduct to show off her astute knowledge of science. But when we received the application, it said the project had to comply with this year's theme of environmentalism--another typical liberal brain washing subject. There went my ideas for studying things like thermodynamics in the kitchen or making astronomical observations, both of which I'm sure my daughter would have loved.

We searched through multiple science project books and came up with one that was healthy for the environment, easy to conduct, and understandable for elementary level school children. It took a few weeks to perform but we got all our observation data. We printed up multiple pictures and constructed a very pretty poster board for her presentation. We were all so proud of her hard work. On the day of the fair, we waited anxiously at home while the judges looked through all the experiments during school hours.

When we went to the public showing that evening, we were disappointed that our daughter's work was not recognized for its creativity nor appreciated for how much time she put into it. While walking around the gymnasium I started becoming disturbed by how few of the projects actually complied with the theme of environmentalism as spelled out in the rules. There were studies on how many Mentos candies does it take to blow up a soda bottle. Another project opened up multiple bags of Skittles to see the flavor distribution inside each bag. What the heck does that have to do with the environment?

But one of the grand prize winners made it clear that following the rules in America is for losers only. The kid demonstrated how to turn a Wet-Dry Vac into a hovercraft. Granted it was a pretty cool project and certainly drew plenty of attention on the floor of the fair. But first of all, it was more like a shop project than a science fair project. Second, there is no way the child did most of the carpentry and electrical work. And third, it had NOTHING to do with helping the environment. Sure it was loud and flashy and made people smile just watching it in action but this contraption was a detriment to our air and noise pollution, not a savior. In the meanwhile my daughter's quiet little experiment was stuck in a quiet corner of the floor barely drawing any recognition or even a second glance from all the passerby's.

So what should I teach my children after this episode? I comforted my daughter's deflated ego as any good parent would. I told her I thought her experiment was great. Her work was original and her conclusions matched her premises. She has nothing to be ashamed of for not winning any medals. But inside I was still seething with resentment for the typical American attitude of rewarding the showiest and most ostentatious subjects regardless of merit. I still have a lot of learning to do to succeed in this country. I hope my children will understand this need to disobey the rules more easily than me if they hope to get ahead in life in the U.S.

Asian Americans Don't Buy Domestic Cars

What Asian Americans don't drive.

I'm in the market for a new car. I'm currently driving an eleven year old Honda that we bought before my wife and I got married. Since then our finances have gone towards a wedding, having three children, buying a house, and purchasing a minivan followed by a second minivan after the first one started to have maintenance issues. So you can see we've been pretty busy the last decade. Luckily during all that time my Honda has been running like a champ and the need to get a replacement always ranked at the bottom of our endless priorities list.

My job has been going pretty well these last couple of years. Even though my car is still running great the missus said it's time for me to get a new car. Great, I thought. It's about time. Since I've been having a good year professionally, I asked my wife if I could get a Cadillac. The new CTS is pretty nice according to all the car reviews. It also looks awesome. It's not a car that you see coming and going on every block here in Southern California, like Lexus and BMW. "No way," came her emphatic answer. "Asian people don't by American cars."

"What's wrong with American cars?" I asked. Tiger mom replied that Asians with means only drive Mercedes or Lexus. None of her friends own domestic cars. Now I grew up here in the States so I wouldn't mind driving an American car again. We were an Oldsmobile family, having owned three before the company was eliminated by GM. I said I like the new Cadillacs. In fact I wouldn't mind owning a Buick. All I need is a car that I can commute to and from work with in comfort. I don't need some fancy label on the hood.

"Absolutely not," she said. "American cars are not reliable. You need a reliable car for your work. You don't want to have a bunch of repair issues that causes you to miss work. That's why you cannot get BMW or Audi either. Besides, American cars are built for tall Americans. You would never fit inside a Cadillac. Plus my parents in China have never heard of Cadillac, no matter how prestigious they are here."

Even though this will be MY car to use, I cannot spend such a large amount of money without mutual agreement on this one. If I bought a Cadillac and something did go wrong or the dealer service department treats us badly because they're not used to dealing with Asian customers, I would never hear the end of it from the wife. So now we are only looking at Mercedes or Lexus cars. Though they're nice enough, I can't help looking enviously at the beautiful Audi's and Caddy's that drive by us on the road. Maybe if Jeremy Lin and his mom promoted Cadillacs it would find more acceptance in the Tiger Mom community. Oh, and having car dealerships that don't look like they are stuck in the 1970's time warp would help too.

Facebook's Left Wing Hypocrisy

Facebook yesterday announced that it is limiting the pages on its site that sells guns. Apparently it feels that guns are so evil that they must do anything to stop the sale and spread of this legal device to members of its community. This public service would feel more sincere if they were more diligent about advertising on its pages that sells illegal substances.

When you go to Facebook and search "drugs for sale," there are dozens of pages from companies willing to sell you anything you desire to get yourself wasted or stoned. Marijuana, check. Cocaine, check. Prescription drugs, check. Most of these substances are illegal without a medical prescription, or just plain illegal period, but Facebook doesn't seem to be in too big a hurry to shut them down or trumpet any noble intentions to do so to the media.

But I guess I shouldn't be surprised by the lack of concern about drug abuse from these left wing liberal Silicon Valley hipsters. These are the same people who think they are doing the community a favor by driving home prices so high in San Francisco that ordinary people like teachers and policemen are forced to move out because they can no longer afford to live there. Since they are bringing technology and Starbucks into a neighborhood they feel they are doing the community a service. When they block people's access to the buses that allows them to get to their jobs by their own wifi connected charter buses, the clueless tech geeks think it's only right since they are making their world a better place.

These people are completely isolated from what happens in the real world. They ride company buses to work without ever feeling the frustration of commuting in traffic or paying for skyrocketing gas prices. They eat their gourmet meals in their own private dining halls, never having to go outside to wait for a table and pay out of pocket. They have their own private gyms and sport courts so they don't have to get splashed with sweat from the tech challenged community. They don't even have to wait at a doctor's office for an exam as many companies have in house physicians or nurses waiting to take care of them. Heaven forbid they might have to experience what people who go through Obamacare have to experience. And they don't pay taxes on any of these perks since they are so special that companies classify these items as recruitment expenses, which are company write offs, rather than employee benefits, which are taxable.

So yes I can see why Facebook can be so two faced about what it limits on its pages. Legal gun sales is a no no. Illegal drugs splashed across its website, no big deal. As long as their stock prices to shooting up these folks could care less about the difference between legal and illegal, a constitutional right vs. a federal crime.

Signs You Were Raised In An Asian Immigrant Household

I LOVE this list from Buzzfeed. It is 27 signs you were raised in an Asian immigrant home. When somebody emailed me this list, I almost rolled on the floor laughing. It is hilarious because it is so true. I could compare myself to nearly all of them. It's funny that growing up, I never noticed the quirks of being an Asian American. Now this list shows me that I am not the only one who does things differently from other Americans.

Right away, at #3, is something my wife does religiously. You can see at the 99 Ranch Market all the lao tai tai's pounding away at the melons. Whether they be watermelons, cantaloupes, or honeydews, everybody thinks they know the perfect sound to hear when the fruit is perfectly ripe. My wife has tried to teach me the proper technique but I have never got the hang of differeniating between a dull thud vs. a slightly hollow thump. Thus I never buy melons at the market by myself. I hate being chastised for not picking the perfect fruit.

At #4 is a tradition that I found strange when I first met my wife. Since I am a 1 1/2 generation Asian American, I grew up drinking cold sodas and water with my meals. My wife, who moved here when she was already an adult, swore she gets severe stomach cramps if she doesn't drink warm water. Now that she's lived here for nearly two decades she's not as fervent about hot water as before. But if she gets even a little crampy after a meal, she'll blame first any cold food or drinks she's consumed.

Number 9 is so funny and true. Asians always think it's cold outside. My dad used to wear long sleeve shirts outside even though it may be in the 90's and 90% humidity in the Midwest where I grew up. He didn't mind buying cars with no air conditioning since he hates being cold even though the rest of us in the car were dying of heat exhaustion. My wife always have our kids wear jackets outside even though all the other children have on t-shirts and shorts. Because you know it is an Asian fact that you will catch a cold if your arms and legs are not covered up.

If you want to know what it is like to live in an Asian home, please read this list. I can confirm that we hardly have any plates in the house, our TV remote control is wrapped in cellophane, and our dishwasher is always full but is never turned on. I guess the Asian culture runs pretty strong in all of us.

The Slippery Slope of Gay Marriage

I'm going to play armchair attorney here. I think the lawyer who was attempting to defend California's Proposition 8, the one that voters passed that defined a marriage in the state as between one man and one woman, was quite feeble. Charles Cooper, the attorney who was arguing the case in the U.S. Supreme Court, tried to justify denying marriage to gay couples by stating that the creation of marriage is supposed to encourage procreation, which gay people obviously can't achieve. He was rightly laughed off by the justices. They easily swatted away that argument by noting multple examples of infertile couples and elderly couples who obviously can't have children. Another way of looking at it is that one doesn't need a marriage for procreation anyway.

The defense also argued that raising children with one male and one female parent is best for their well being. Again that is a very weak statement to bring in front of such a consequential case. No less than the American Academy of Pediatrics has stated that children brought up by gay couples is no worse off than ones raised by heterosexual couples. So there goes that line of reasoning.

What I haven't heard anybody say is what will happen to other forms of marriages when gay marriage is eventually legalized in this country, as I think it inevitably will. Right now, homosexuals say they deserve to marry each other because they love each other, just like their heterosexuals counterparts. Okay I'm fine with two people who are in love wanting to get married. But what happens when three or more people say they love each other. When you can no longer define marriage as between one man and one woman, has the institution of marriage been destroyed?

Throughout human history there have always been cultures where, usually, one man has had more than one wife. In fact it has only been in recent times that monogamy has become idealized in marriage. Think of the old Chinese or Middle Eastern rulers with their mulititude of wives, or harems, or concubines. Here in the U.S., the Mormon Church is well known for having a history of allowing polygamy, with its founder Joseph Smith said to have more than fifty wives.

If we can no longer define marriage as between one man and one woman, then where does this end? If you pass laws stating that marriage can only between two non related people, regardless of gender, won't polygamists feel they are being discriminated against? Won't they want the same federal rights and benefits as couple marriages? Aren't their civil rights being trampled on too? I just wish somebody can address this issue. I don't mind if gay couples have all the same rights as heterosexual couples. They can be considered to be in a civil union, as many states have already done. Just don't redefine marriage to accommodate this new family unit. If we do, then there is no end to how many different ways people will want to push the limits of families all in the name of civil rights.

"Wreck-It Ralph" Is A Tiger Mom's Worst Nightmare

I just saw the new movie "Wreck-It Ralph" with my two kids. I have to say that we all loved the movie. My son liked the action. My daughter loved the neon-tinted Sugar Rush scenes. I appreciated the nostalgia of the early video game characters brought back to life by the movie.

Afterwards, while I was thinking of all the cultural humor embedded in the film, I realized that my kids will probably never have the same understanding of American humor as I or most children do. Sure they were both born in the U.S. but that doesn't mean they LIVE in the U.S. You see, my wife is doing her hardest to make sure they don't grow up like American children.

She is horrified by how American kids are raised. She absolutely abhors the way children here play video games and watch TV seemingly for hours at a time. She keeps our children busy to make sure they don't have any opportunity to stray from her sure path to success. Kumon is forced upon them every day. If they're not sitting at the kitchen table doing that, they are practicing their piano or playing ping pong. Though we have a Playstation 3 in the house, the children don't even know it exists. They have never been allowed to play a single minute of it for fear their brains might become addled by Sonic the Hedgehog. When I play, I have to do it at night after they have gone to bed. That was the condition I had to agree to before she would allow the machine in the house.

The other main portion of "Wreck-It Ralph" involves scenes that take place in a video game filled with sugary desserts. My daughter loved all the scenes filled with gum drops, doughnuts, candy canes and ice cream. There is one reference to Oreo cookies that got the whole audience laughing. But again, this is all forbidden fruit. As I've mentioned before, my wife HATES American desserts. The children can have as much salty, vinegary food as they want but anything sweet is strictly limited. She blames them for the high rates of obesity and diabetes in Americans. She's partly right. But I feel anything in moderation is okay whereas for this tiger mom sugar is equivalent to poison.

So it saddens me that my kids are so isolated from American culture. Their mother wants them to achieve success in the U.S. but at the same time she wants to shield them from life in the U.S. Granted she's not doing this out of malice. She is reading directly out of the Chinese playbook for becoming a prosperous adult: a single-minded focus on hard work and intense study with little time for slothful pursuits like video games and snacking on unhealthy foods. Though our kids may succeed with this regiment, I think they will have lost some of the pleasures of life in doing so.

I Hate Chinese Drivers.

Sometimes the stereotypes are true--Chinese people are the worst drivers. As a Chinese-American I've seen many near accidents and rude behavior committed by Chinese drivers through the streets of Southern California, particularly the San Gabriel Valley. It is not uncommon for you to be waiting for a car to pull out of a parking spot while you have your turn signal on to indicate that slot is yours when at the last second a Chinese driver pulls into it. All the horn honking and dirty glares won't do anything. I've seen fistblows right there in the parking lot because of such incidents.

Then there was the time I saw a fire engine, with sirens blazing, come up to a four way intersection. The truck was facing a red light and was slowly inching its way through the intersection. A Chinese driver, facing the green light, decided he had the right of way and drove through, cutting off the fire truck. You should have seen the nasty stares the firemen gave him. But he was on the other side and on his merry way.

Then over Labor Day Weekend, I nearly got into a physical fight with a Chinese driver. We were driving out of the underground parking garage at the 99 Ranch Market in Alhambra. Just as we were almost out, the car in front of me suddenly stops. He gestures for me to back up. I was thinking, did he change his mind and want to go back down into the garage? I motioned for him to go forward as he needed to go out and come back in through the entrance ramp. He honks his horn at me. I honked back.

The Chinese man then gets out of his car and starts yelling at me in Chinese through my car window. I yelled back at him in English. He starts pointing at his car. I'm thinking maybe he was having car trouble. I point to all the cars behind me and that I can't back up. More yelling and pointing continue. Finally he sees the futility of the situation then proceeds down the line and tells everybody to back up, which is not easy since the ramp is curving and very narrow with high walls on both sides.

When we had all backed up a few feet, he gets back into his car. He rolls down the ramp a couple of feet then suddenly, starts his car. He then takes off out of the garage. I was dumbstruck. What the hell was that all about? I thought he was having car problems. I thought he wanted to get back into the garage. Without even an acknowledgement of gratitude, he drives off leaving a line of drivers fuming in the garage. I hate Chinese drivers.

Eastern Vs. Western Ideas Of Sexy

My wife loves her soap operas. No, not the kind you see in the afternoons on network TV. She loves her Asian soap operas, particularly the ones made in South Korea. She raves about their story lines, the wonderful acting, and particularly their beautiful actors. She'll frequently ask me to come over and ask for my opinion about an actor on the show. Did I agree with her that he's the best looking guy ever? Almost always, my answer is no.

For you see, her idea of beauty frequently is different from mine. Having grown up here in the U.S., I guess my interpretation of a sexy man runs more toward Western standards. We've all been brainwashed by American media to idolize men who are tall, beefy, and hairy chested. I think that's why I had such an inferiority complex in high school. My brother and I once discussed what we thought the optimal height should be for a man. He thought a man should stand 6' 2".  I considered 6' 3" to be the perfect height, since, you know, 6' 4" would be too tall. Needless to say, neither of us ever came close to that. Neither did we ever achieve a thatch of chest hair, or even a wisp.

I still had my preconceptions about masculinity even after marrying my beautiful wife. I asked her once if she wouldn't prefer to sleep with somebody who has lots of body hair. Her surprising answer to me was, "Ew". She couldn't understand the attractiveness of a hirsute body. She said it would be like sleeping with an animal. Her definition of a sexy man is somebody who is boyish and androgynous, lithe, with cute hair. In other words, somebody who would be thought of as gay among Western men. That is precisely what I told her, that all her idealized men look homosexual. She thought I was ridiculous.

It really is amazing how the media sears into our brains what the definition of beauty is. My wife, who grew up in China, only knew of the Chinese men she saw on Chinese TV. The infrequent times she saw a Hollywood movie only reinforced the differences, though not because Hollywood actors were more beautiful. Instead she only noticed their hairy bodies, their big noses, and their sweaty skin. Instead she adored the boyish charms of the Asian boy bands and flirtations of her favorite TV stars. By contrast I grew up with what is perceived to be Western beauty, as conceived by white screenwriters, white directors, and white actors. So I was conditioned to accept that as the consummate male sexuality.

Now as my daughter starts getting older and becoming more aware of others' physicality, I'm torn about how I should approach this. Should I inundate her with Asian videos and have her play with mostly Asian friends so that she will recognize her own Eastern beauty? Or should I let her assimilate with her Western friends and hope for the best that she doesn't look down on Asian boys? It is so hard to grow up in the U.S. as a minority.

Mercedes Benz, Declasse. Mass Class Has Reduced My Ardor For The Three Pointed Star

I used to love Mercedes Benz cars. I've never owned one but have always aspired to. I remember as a kid looking through my older brother's Car and Driver magazines where they tested seminal Mercedes classics like the 6.9 or the 560SEL, like the one J.R. Ewing used to drive. I thought someday, I'll be cruising around in one of those babies instead of chugging along, blocking the slow lane, like my dad's VW Bus.

Now that I have successfully finished decades of education and training, I can finally say, yes, it is now my time. I can realistically consider getting one of those three pointed starred cars in my very own garage. I have finally made it. But have I? I look around Southern California, and that is all I see--Mercedes hood ornaments and trunk emblems on every block I drive.

M-B has decided that it wanted to rake in more money by going mass class. While owning a Mercedes used to imprint on the owner an image of wealth and exclusivity, it is now priced so low that almost anyone can have one. Driving through the San Gabriel Valley, and in fact most of Southern California, a Mercedes is as common as a boba milk tea. It's on every block, in every parking lot, parked on almost every driveway on every god-forsaken side street. It just doesn't exude affluence anymore.

It's the same feeling my wife has with Louis Vuitton bags. In its attempt to generate more revenue, LV has also become declasse. Virtually anyone can, and do, have one. I've seen many teenagers carry one, as well as nursing assistants, 7-11 clerks, and just about anybody who thinks it makes them look elegant and chic. Unfotunately this ubiquity has really turned off my wife. She now carries Coach bags. If you're going to carry a mass class bag, why not get one for hundreds less than the wannabes who buy LV?

As a matter of fact, if one truly wants to stand out here in SoCal, the best way to gain attention is to drive an American car. Owning one imparts on the owner that he is an individual, not one of the lemmings. Driving an Oldsmobile Cutlass or a Chevy Malibu here is more fashionable than the BMW 3-Series. While shopping for cars, I've seriously looked at exotic cars (for SoCal) like the Ford Taurus or the Buick LaCrosse. Why spend thousands of dollars for an expensive European brand when you will see another one driving past you every day while you're still paying off your sixty month car loan?

Maybe my dad was pretty smart after all. The VW Bus is probably the most coveted, hippy chic, car that one can own today. I should have bought it from him when I had the chance. Now they have something that Mercedes Benz can't touch, a pop culture image that no billion dollar advertising campaign can duplicate. That is the definition of exclusive.

Do White People Have Ugly Feet?

That's the only conclusion I can think of when I wonder why white people wear their shoes all the time. Are they ashamed of their feet? Why else would you wear your shoes inside the house after you've stepped through all the detritus that is the great outdoors?

I, and almost all Chinese, have learned to take our shoes off when we enter a house from practically the day we learned to walk. It is considered extremely impolite, and unclean, to wear shoes indoors. Once inside, most of us also take off our socks and just wear slippers under our feet. I always thought that it was a good idea to remove my socks at the earliest possible moment so I can air out my feet and prevent athlete's foot and other infections. I can't wait every afternoon to come home from work and strip my socks off so my feet can dry out and get rid of that clammy feeling between the toes.

Yet white people, who presumably prefer athletic persuits and outdoor activities don't follow the same etiquette. They wear their shoes until they are ready to hop into bed. Even if they do take their shoes off at the front foyer, they most likely leave their socks on, as if they're ashamed of anybody looking at their toes. Do they really prefer people to smell their dingy greying socks instead of look at their feet? Perhaps they're trying to keep the multibillion dollar indoor floor cleaning products business from bankruptcy? Would they rather spend hundreds of dollars on powerful Dyson cyclonic vacuum cleaners to clean up the dirty footprints on their carpets instead of wearing cheap clean indoor slippers?

Think of all the money that can be saved if people didn't wear their shoes all the time. There would be less need to buy Dr. Scholl's Odor Eaters shoe inserts. Carpets won't have to be replaced nearly so often. And closets won't stink nearly as bad with all the moist and disgusting shoes and socks that are thrown into them at the end of the day. 

So please pass the word to your white and ABC friends. Please take your shoes and socks off when you get inside. It'll make your indoor environments more pleasant, improve the health of your feet, and save you money too. Who can argue with that?

Don't Touch Me. I'm Asian.

Americans, and Westerners in general, love to touch each other, even if they're total strangers. There are the pats on the backs, or the rumps if you're an athlete, the rubbing of the shoulders, the frau frau pecks on the cheeks if you're trying to act European, or the ubiquitous handshake. You never see Asians doing any of that touchy feely thing. Asian acknowledge each other with a simple bow or nod of the head. There is never any physical contact, especially if it's from different ranks in the social hierarchy.

Even though I'm a 1 1/2 generation immigrant and have lived in the U.S. most of my life, I have never gotten used to the handshake as a social greeting. It just never comes naturally to me. While most boys learn the social ettiquette of manhood from their fathers, my father was never that westernized. He was not a handshaker. When I graduated from high school and college, I never received a handshake from him or any other member of the family. It's not that they weren't proud of my achievements. Asians just don't do that kind of thing.

To this day at work, I have to consciously remind myself to extend my hand when I meet a colleague. More often than not I'll just give a simple nod or verbally greet another person rather than put my hand out. I've also never learned when it's not necessary to offer a handshake. Intial meeting, yes. But how about saying farewell? Sometimes I offer a handshake when saying goodbye and the other person doesn't appear to be expecting it, leaving my hand out there hanging. Awkward! Did I just commit a social faux pas or was I just being too formal when a simple "see you later" would have sufficed? Also is one supposed to shake hands with women? Or are we expected to give the phony pecks on the cheeks like I see so many Westerners do? That's another rule that my dad never clarified as I've never seen him peck anybody's cheeks, ever.

These social norms seem to come so easily for Westerners. They greet each other with firm pumps of their hands, almost without thought. They start talking about work, sports, girls, or whatever without the slightest effort to continue a conversation. Then they seem to know just the right way to say goodbye, either with a handshake or a quick "goodbye" or an "I'll call you later". All this is done with the greatest of ease. In the meantime I struggle to set just the right tone without sounding forced.

Why don't Asians offer handshakes or in general have any sort of physical contact when meeting friends and colleagues? Just pure speculation on my part, but probably through centuries of experience we've learned that people really aren't that clean. You don't know what the person was doing with his hands recently. He may have just gone to the bathroom and didn't wash his hands. He may have been picking spinach from his teeth with his fingers. He may have some sort of contagious skin condition that would get transmitted to me if I touched him. The person may have lice in his hair which could jump to me if I had to stand close to him by necessity to give a handshake. There are all sorts of reasons for not touching another person who is not your intimate. But living in the U.S. requires that we Asians get past these social barriers and accept a handshake or a slap on the back as an acceptable form of salutation. I just hope that person has Purelled his hand before he offers it to me.