Eastern Vs. Western Ideas Of Sexy

My wife loves her soap operas. No, not the kind you see in the afternoons on network TV. She loves her Asian soap operas, particularly the ones made in South Korea. She raves about their story lines, the wonderful acting, and particularly their beautiful actors. She'll frequently ask me to come over and ask for my opinion about an actor on the show. Did I agree with her that he's the best looking guy ever? Almost always, my answer is no.

For you see, her idea of beauty frequently is different from mine. Having grown up here in the U.S., I guess my interpretation of a sexy man runs more toward Western standards. We've all been brainwashed by American media to idolize men who are tall, beefy, and hairy chested. I think that's why I had such an inferiority complex in high school. My brother and I once discussed what we thought the optimal height should be for a man. He thought a man should stand 6' 2".  I considered 6' 3" to be the perfect height, since, you know, 6' 4" would be too tall. Needless to say, neither of us ever came close to that. Neither did we ever achieve a thatch of chest hair, or even a wisp.

I still had my preconceptions about masculinity even after marrying my beautiful wife. I asked her once if she wouldn't prefer to sleep with somebody who has lots of body hair. Her surprising answer to me was, "Ew". She couldn't understand the attractiveness of a hirsute body. She said it would be like sleeping with an animal. Her definition of a sexy man is somebody who is boyish and androgynous, lithe, with cute hair. In other words, somebody who would be thought of as gay among Western men. That is precisely what I told her, that all her idealized men look homosexual. She thought I was ridiculous.

It really is amazing how the media sears into our brains what the definition of beauty is. My wife, who grew up in China, only knew of the Chinese men she saw on Chinese TV. The infrequent times she saw a Hollywood movie only reinforced the differences, though not because Hollywood actors were more beautiful. Instead she only noticed their hairy bodies, their big noses, and their sweaty skin. Instead she adored the boyish charms of the Asian boy bands and flirtations of her favorite TV stars. By contrast I grew up with what is perceived to be Western beauty, as conceived by white screenwriters, white directors, and white actors. So I was conditioned to accept that as the consummate male sexuality.

Now as my daughter starts getting older and becoming more aware of others' physicality, I'm torn about how I should approach this. Should I inundate her with Asian videos and have her play with mostly Asian friends so that she will recognize her own Eastern beauty? Or should I let her assimilate with her Western friends and hope for the best that she doesn't look down on Asian boys? It is so hard to grow up in the U.S. as a minority.